Posts reinstated

Well I put them back up...on my personal blog (see previous post).

I got to thinking....what was I ashamed of? I didn't name names, I didn't personally attack, I didn't bring up ancient history....I explained from my point of view just what she had done to me in this situation (see all of the above:) and wrote about how painful it was. I wrote the truth....my truth to be sure, but my experience as I saw it. And isn't that what a blog is all about? She wouldn't talk to me or even listen to me....so I took to the Internet to tell my side of the story. I have always been, and remain, willing to sit down and work this out with my SIL. But if that is to happen all parties must be willing to hear the other side of the story. If she wants to attack us with things that supposedly happened 7 years ago, I may not be able to summon the anger that she can but I don't have amnesia. I remember what she did, how she treated us....just because we have refrained from ANY kind of attack and are committed to sticking to the issue at hand does not mean we have forgotten her bad behavior. We had forgiven, we had moved on, but deep down we remained wary....and as it turns out we had good reason to be.

My blog is MY blog, it's for my story, my personal discovery, and hopefully it's a place where I will learn and grow by expressing myself. I had hoped that this particular story would end with compassion, resolution and maybe a few tears. I had hoped that it would end happy....but my gut says that is not going to happen, at least not in the foreseeable future. Her pathology is so severe, her lies so ingrained that I think it would take years of therapy before she would be willing to accept her shame. She has been running from the guilt of her own actions for so long that I doubt this will be resolved without professional help.

For my part, I will continue to pray for her and to wish her well. I hope she can find peace in her life, but she will not be welcome in mine until she deals with her issues.

ps. A recommendation for those of you dealing with narcissistic family members ....

People of the Lie by Scott Peck
Why is is Always About You? by Sandy Hotchkiss

It's very comforting to know that you are not alone and YOU ARE NOT CRAZY!!!

Exposed

Ooops....my SIL (husbands sister who I talked about in great detail on this blog) found my other personal blog....eek! I didn't go into nearly as much detail as I did here (I've since taken down those posts tho I may put them back). I didn't identify her but I know she recognized herself because of the situation. I believe I used the term narcissist more than once (which tho better than 'bitch', I'm sure wasn't appreciated) and talked about her cruelty to myself and my husband and her exasperating habit of dumping her garbage and guilt onto others...specifically me. She shared it with several people, including hubbys brother (I have a tracker and bro uses a company computer).

Neither one has mentioned it, tho she hasn't actually talked to us in months anyway. We told her after all the crap she said about us (in emails) that we needed a break from her until she was willing to sit down and talk to us...so far she has refused. In a way I'm relieved that my side of the 'story' was heard; she has refused to talk to me from the beginning even tho it was me who pissed her off....my husband was just collateral damage because he took my side (duh). But I worry about how she will portray my writing about her 'on the Internet'. I'm sure she will tell everyone that I was sharing personal stuff with the world (tho my blog is only read by about 5 people....on a good day). And there are people in the family that I actually care about.

I do admit that venting on a blog about personal issues is probably not the best idea in the world...but I truly thought she would never see it....she hates the computer...and I have since taken down the 3 posts that were specific to her. A couple others are still up that she might take personally (because they fit) but they are more general to several family members (post on my brother and SIL below). I did several posts on fake apologies and mean emails but they apply to everyone....including ME.